Friday, August 22, 2008

Why John McCain isn't elitist

So John McCain's run into a bit of trouble in the past couple days. It seems he couldn't quite remember how many houses he owns. Is it 4? 7? 10? No one is quite sure, but that's a common enough mistake, right? Like I don't quite know how many pairs of socks I own. For regular Joes like McCain, keeping track of all their real estate can be a daunting prospect.

And wearing $520 shoes? Travelling to Starbucks in a nine-car motorcade to get a cappuccino (not a latte, thank God)? Not elitest, you commie scum.

No, real elitism is something that Democratic candidates have a monopoly on. Knowing what arugula is, and vacationing in exotic far-away places like....Hawaii. That's elitism, my friends.

Some may also say that being the son of a four-star admiral and marrying a wealthy beer heiress is somewhat elitist. But that simply isn't true. You see, it's all about your frame of mind. Since McCain is a Republican, he's just inherently more in touch with the average American. After all, how else could a pampered beneficiary of gross nepotism like George W. Bush have succeeded in painting his opponents as out of touch? Buying a ranch so he could pretend he was a cowboy helped too. Elitists don't do that, they just work as a community organizer in a god-forsaken place like inner city Chicago, or some such presumptuous and arrogant nonsense.

But we know that Obama is an elitist despite his modest upbringing. Quite apart from his sins of culinary and caffinated sophistication, he's all academic and stuff. He uses big words. And he probably had hot white girlfriends (hint, hint) and made snide comments directed toward less fortunate folk at the local country club. At least that's what Karl Rove thinks, and we know he's never wrong.

UPDATE: Yeah, all snark aside, this is chutzpah:

John McCain put a new ad out today attacking Barack Obama on taxes. It begins with a narrator intoning: “Celebrities don’t have to worry about family budgets, but we sure do.”

We? Really? This coming from a guy who, just the day before, couldn't remember how many houses he owned. Maybe he's referring to his budget for household servants, "which went from 184,000 in 2006 to $273,000 in 2007, according to John McCain’s tax returns."

Holy. Shit. Just when I thought it couldn't get any worse. Maybe, just maybe, America is getting a good look at the real McCain.

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